i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
