Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
