Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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