apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
