What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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