Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
