I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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