2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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