Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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