i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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