oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
