I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
