carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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