with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
