The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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