ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
