There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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