i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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