I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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