just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Randomize