dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
