drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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