Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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