i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
