Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
