dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
