Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
