I think I am morally bankrupt
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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