My first STD was from a foam party
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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