Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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