just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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