all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
