Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
