Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize