He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
