Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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