Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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