I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
