i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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