They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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