you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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