He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
