laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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