Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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