WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
