Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
