Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
