it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My pussy is not your playground.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found your dick twin last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
