i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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