Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
