Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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