...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
