please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize