What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
