Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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