I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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