Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
