i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
