I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
