He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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