woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
