i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
