So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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