Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
