It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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