Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
