this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
