Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
