i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
