Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
