Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize