I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We were destined to go to rehab together
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
