genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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