I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
