yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
